Friday 16th February 2007
Oh great. Tim had to go away on business in the middle of half term week. He's such a good hands-on Dad that this makes life harder for me. And I don't like that!
Still, M has invited herself and her two girls over for a playdate today, so that should ease the load a bit.
How wrong I was.
She said she'd be over just after lunch, so about 1pm. I gave the house a really good tidy up and waited. And waited. And waited...
Eventually she rolled up at nearly 4 o'clock. No phone call to explain, or was I expecting too much? Apparently they had been out buying new school books. Why they need books I didn't find out until a bit later.
The first thing M said when she sailed through the door was "Oh, I do love a messy house! It makes it look so quaint and lived in"!! [Insert many under-the-breath swear words here]
Not a great start. It got worse.
I made tea, my usual lazy way – tea bag in cup. But no, that wasn't right! She proceeded to lecture me on how I needed to use a teapot as she drinks a lot of tea and this method won't keep up with her needs... And which tea I should buy. And where to buy a teapot. I have teapots, I just don't use them much. We make a date to go to Kappabashi, "kitchenware town" where all the ceramics and all sorts of interesting things are sold. Like teapots.
Then she proceeds to look through all my things, inspecting my books and ornaments as if to check my credentials. Not a problem, I'm happy with my credentials and don't need affirmations from her. She found nothing to criticise and sat her not insubstantial frame down on the sofa.
She tells me that she's so happy to have found me, and that her daughters need a "nice English speaking girl with a good vocabulary as a friend". What an odd comment!
However, the girls didn't really get on.
Three is always a crowd with children, especially when a couple stick together like the two sisters, and one is a bossy little madam like my daughter. So there were constant interruptions by all the girls of "Muuu-uuum, this has happened", "she won't let me play", "she has broken my toy", and other bickering. Most of the time, and if I was on my own with them, this would have been dealt with in my standard way: "play nicely or come in here where I can see you", depending on how much telling off was required. But M has a rather different way of parenting in which every incident was psychologically dissected and somehow, very cleverly, the blame always seemed to lie with Rhiannon or me. It was over two years ago now, so I can't remember the specifics, just the feeling I was left with. This wasn't really apparent until after they'd all gone, so cunningly was it done.
Between information and advice upon everything under the sun, freely given by her, I discover that her kids are being what I believe is known as 'hot housed'. The girls are 5 and 6 (although there has since been talk that the ages have been misinformed in order for them to get into a higher year at school so they may be a year younger than this). Their bedtimes are no earlier 10pm because they spend their entire evenings doing various classes from ballet, violin, piano, Japanese plus a lot of extra home learning. They are never allowed to watch anything on TV that might possibly be construed as entertainment and all reading books are educational. All weekends are taken up ferrying the children around to various educational facilities and basically, life revolves around them.
Each to their own, but I don't want to be told that my way is wrong, which is what was being implied.
Once they finally left, I felt exhausted and drained. But worse, on analysing the afternoon and the various veiled remarks, I felt like the worst mum in the world! Later I felt angry that someone could make me feel like that.
My eyes are beginning to be opened to this woman now and what I see is not pleasant. I will go to Kappabashi with her and see how that transpires, because I need someone to show me around (yes, OK, I'm using her), but I will see if I can organise the next playdate, if there is one, so that I have just one child, not both.
