Things are looking brighter, at long last. Light is pouring in at the end of the tunnel and I sincerely hope it continues to do so.
While I may have shown symptoms of depression, I don't want to use that term. I was suffering from stress, shock and a myriad of other emotions and reactions to a specific issue. Depression is a very different problem altogether and not one that can be fixed so simply.
What has helped me? I think I can classify the major contributors to recovery as follows:
Daily Life
Life goes on; especially as a mother. As much as I would have liked to spend my days in bed, this wasn't an option at all. Rhiannon still has to get to school on time, Kita needed to be walked and everyone has to eat. The mechanics of day-to-day life have to continue and so they did. Everyone, including the pets, has been wonderfully considerate and well-behaved.
Apart from the daily mouse-body-offerings... both pets have upped their killing skills and the mouse population is suffering greatly, leaving me to navigate with care and remove the remains.
Friends
Contact with friends has really boosted my mood. There's nothing better than chatting with good mates. And receiving an unexpected phone call really brightens my day. It's so easy to lose contact with people when you live far from home. The time difference in Japan put paid to most real-time conversations and they haven't really picked up again since I've been here, just a single hour's difference. Facebook and email have their uses, but nothing beats a good old-fashioned girly chat on the phone.
Also, it's important to mention that when feeling that far down I really cannot initiate a phone call, however much I would like to. So it's been fabulous to receive these calls.
Often the biggest support comes from unexpected places; people I've only 'met' online or people I haven't seen for years. It's so touching to know someone is thinking of me; it means a great deal and I do appreciate it. Thank you. I will catch up with my emails very soon!
Another massive boost was spending a lovely day out with my friend here - we both lived in Tokyo at the same time. We did a spot of shopping, chatted a lot and went for a Japanese lunch as our tribute to 11th March.
Diet
For a while I've been trying to eat more healthily but had lapsed over the past few weeks. I seem to have a big problem with wheat, so this week I've gone back to eating wheat-free as much as possible. I've also started drinking lots of water. It's not much fun - I really love bread and other baked goodies - but it really does seem to help.
Bach Flower Remedies
Many years ago someone recommended I use these to get through a difficult time. I can't even remember what that was now, but I do remember being utterly amazed that they worked. So I bought a lovely box of them. I add them to my daily water and, yet again, they have done the trick.
I started taking them as soon as I received them. The following day I woke with the most tremendous headache which wouldn't shift. It was a tension headache and hoped it was a sign of the remedies pulling it all out of my system.
It was. I felt so much better the next day although it took a couple of days for the headache to go completely.
Anniversaries
I think I had to get through a couple of difficult anniversaries before properly heading in the right direction.
One was the first anniversary of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan on 11th March, which I attempted to write about in my previous post. In my darkened state, I wasn't eloquent at all and found it impossible to articulate how I felt. I'm not going to attempt to rewrite it now though, others have made a much better job of it than me.
Then, on 16th March I faced the eighth anniversary of my Dad's death. Whilst grief does ease over time, the pain still has the power to hit with breathtaking power. I mourn heavily in the early hours of 16th and then get on with my day.
Spring
Spring has finally sprung! A couple of sunny, warm days woke up the plants and my garden has started to look a bit interesting. Mum and I planted hundreds of bulbs last year and the first ones showed their faces this past week.
Over the past couple of days I've done some heavy gardening. My muscles and joints are complaining bitterly; it feels good!
I also bought a little Sakura - cherry blossom - tree. It's covered in buds and I can't wait until they're in bloom. Very cheering.
Mother's Day was lovely. I was treated to breakfast in bed, a bunch of gorgeous orange roses and chocolates. Then Tim took Rhiannon out for the afternoon and left me in peace. Perfect!
I went back into the garden and sowed seeds of recovery. I had a couple of dozen envelopes full of seeds to deal with.
These precious seeds were gathered by my daughter from my mother's garden. What better way to spend Mother's Day?